I want to write to express the ticker tape of thoughts running through my head
on any given day and even in wakeful moments while sleeping.
Between the loneliness of my own company, or the hand wringing and worrying while my mother
sit and waits while I queue in queues for her to get her to a doctor, a person who will not see patient number 157 but my mother, the precious women who I raise 4 times to the heavens.
When I pray in traffic or sleepless moments, for once, to have my goals reached rather than thwarted.
I want to sing and dance for the small gratitudes of a lovely day, sunshine on my back or a breeze in my face. To clap like a seal at my joys.
To laugh loudly and from the belly, when I am with friends and bring joy to their conversations.
Of whispered prayers of forgiveness because I fall. every.time
The wish of care and consideration for my friends and family who are struggling.
To say the right words to friends I miss.
To missing those I am longer with.
To celebrate achievements of those who have received victory
To remember with kindness the wrongs and forgive my own too.
To worship God even when it hurts or when I question in anger.
The unanswered "whys" and "why me"
To love and live with honour, truth and dignity and extend that to others.
I can't be more than who I am exactly. And thats ok too.