Monday, October 7, 2013

Following Rivers

In a conversation with fellow blogger Ridi we were talking about old fashioned values and what we're afraid of.

Fear: People are not necessarily racist but we're all arseholes, trying to differentiate ourselves from each other. even if that means condescending. We're lonely, even when we have lovers,spouses and friends.

Kindness:  we don't practice this often enough, with ourselves or with others, the constant voice in our head berating our efforts is louder than the compassionate response of " I tried so hard"

Following the river: it is a metaphor for seeing purpose in nature and living inside of nature <- is what he said. Such a clever chap. but its more than that, its walking away from the complications and simplifying your life.

My moving to CapeTown in a month: Its my own return to nature, to the soil, because its where we have come from and to where we will return. CT is my river that I am following, as I try to untangle the roots of my life. My relationships, to people, things, money and successes, is the next step in my journey.

My life is in God's hands ultimately. And through his grace I found forgiveness for myself, and for those who hurt me (and I caused hurt too) is that I have learnt. Learning was the lesson. not the moral of the story.

I haven't stagnated, I paused, I strategised and now I engage 



Thank you Prof (ex) for helping me see the lessons

xx

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Can I have a minute

to talk about things, that don't always make sense.
So wishful thinking and romanticising the past. 

To remembering the way my life was and where it is 
and the track im on right now.

Can I have a minute to catch my breath and hold my finger up
One damn minute to think for myself without judgement and drummed impatient fingers

Can I have a minute to talk about what happened to me and to you and to us
and instead of unpacking shit and trying to see from your view point that you look at mine

Can we please stop for one fucking moment and rememebr that under all of this
We are people with feelings, who feel hard-done by, kicked to the curb, left-out, unloved and lonely

And lashing it out to those you make yourself vulnerable to only makes it hurt THAT much more

So can I ahve one minute to remember the good in people, the world, my family
without someone trying to ruin this optimist with realities which have no place in my life.

So I will take that minute and walk away because I am worth more than what you're prepared to give me.