Simply Aasia

Two years ago today, I instagram'd the moment I walked into my first retrenchment (I didn't know at the time) Last year today after being told I did an amazing job, I was asked to leave for not being a cultural fit. Hijab wearing muslim working for company who predominantly sold hard liquor, yeah I figured But I took the job because I had no other means of income. Its not lost on me, but I can't tell you what retrenchments does to your psyche, your confidence, your ability to say with certainty. I KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB Between friends who gave generously of their time: my lawyer friend who helped me negotiate a package,  my social media friend who gave me some part time work to tide me over, to  the friend who gave me a home so I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent.  To the friend and her family who opened their home and fed me  all of you who helped me and helped me maintain a semblance of dignity. for those friends who made me cry and reminded m...

I've always been the good girl, the well behaved -its-the-right-thing-to-do girl. And somewhere along the lines, I got tired of it. I have lived my life out of fear. Fear that I wouldn't be enough, that I'd be too much, that I wouldn't crack it. My fear has taken many forms, people pleaseing, the mediator, the fence sitter and ofcourse the constant need for external validation. Now I sit here and I have taken my first "no take backs" adult steps.  And the world didn't crumble. While I am still fighting the internal fight with my old self. I have to constantly remind myself to be brave and bold because I am looking for a different outcome. So go on, be brave and do something that scares the shit out of you

In between the constant tinging of my phone and hooted car horns I find my self sometimes in moments of clarity between fleeting rainfalls and misty beaches sometimes I catch glimpses of myself Between wishes for love and soapboxing my glorious independance Sometimes there's a knock which I answer Between flirtatious repartee and honest confessions sometimes a hand is extended. Between ravernous hunger and steaming towers of food Sometimes I hunger for you Between flip flops in my tummy, and stuttering in my speech sometimes you see me

I sought out to forget 2014 in its entirety. but inspite of the epic heartbreak I suffered. I learned so much My biggest lesson though, is no matter how well you think you plan. Allah is the ultimate planner I have no regrets, everything I have done has been my best attempt, and for the most part, thats all we can manage.  This isnt the end of my journey, just some exceptionally windy bits. People: 1. You can love someone so much and do nothing as they slip away,  I wish my mom was still here, but God called her, and I don't question it. But I miss her 2. Everyones journey is their own, no matter what your intention, some people have to find their way on their own 3. Loving someone isn't always enough. Hearts: 1. heartbreak is soul destroying 2.Recovery is possible 3. Embrace your vulnerablity Friends: 1. Forgiveness is easier when you love someone 2. Friends have big hearts, I couldn't have managed this last 7 months without them Family: I have a...

You know that treadmill feeling? You know, you're doing stuff but you're not getting anywhere in particular. What you are doing is treading water. That's the feeling I am currently sitting with, but I'm also sitting with many feelings actually. One that keeps rearing its head is grief. So I sometimes spend nights crying myself to sleep and feel emotionally drained the next day. Its a stage I have to experience and complete when the time is right. I am not being self punitive nor will I expect better. This is who I am right now. While I have learnt to embrace the brokeness of my life right now. There is an urge to start planning my exit strategy. (not of life, if you were worried, just this chapter) I am restless and while I see changes around me. Someone I had my heart set on (stupid) is in a great place and is happy, and has fuck all to do with me. And I am trying to manage it and the rejection implied, with grace. [this right here ladies and gentlemen is m...

my mission has always been to be happy with my lot in life. push the status quo, but be happy at every step, happy at any weight, happy in any place. I don't have the same type of optimism I had when I was younger, but I still believe in life's ability to surprise. There is just so much joy to be found, if only we stopped staring at the dark patch on the wall. I am both happier and sadder than I have ever been. Renewing ties with people I thought I would lose forever and solidifying those I have. More at peace at the person I am, who still stops to check these days if she is crossing lines or overstepping. heartbreak and fear and being told that over and over, makes it hard to canon ball with enthusiasm but I hope I am still that. Last night I was happier than I have been in a long while, and while sadness  (like a cloud, sometimes light and too far to cast a shadow, other times like a full on Jo'burg thunderstorm, your like a cape town winter, silently threaten...

So I don't want to grumble but I am exhausted (thats a fact btw) So tired I fell and hit my head on the toilet (not too bad) because I seem to be ok But I don't know if its just tiredness or what but to be honest but today I i found myself yearning for a little person of my own. That is all... oh and a person to make a little person with

No matter how they try to make you feel otherwise. Your cracks are what make you beautiful. Your journeys,your stories, your joy and your pain Its how you fill the cracks that are most interesting Sometimes we forget that unscathed is overrated. Love yourself enough to know that you're pretty damn spectacular.

Standing here on the edge of the road Looking for nothing more than a moment with you finding love and having it, is apparently not the same thing I found it and look at it with great care and devotion but love hasn't found me, I sit and dream about what it will be like when you finally see me and realise who I am to you but I am too old for fantasy and games so I try to carry on with a like filled fully with random activities and outings and say see, I am carrying on in SPITE of you but in truth I wait and probably will Forever

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross This I Like!

In a conversation with fellow blogger Ridi  we were talking about old fashioned values and what we're afraid of. Fear: People are not necessarily racist but we're all arseholes, trying to differentiate ourselves from each other. even if that means condescending. We're lonely, even when we have lovers,spouses and friends. Kindness:  we don't practice this often enough, with ourselves or with others, the constant voice in our head berating our efforts is louder than the compassionate response of " I tried so hard" Following the river:  it is a metaphor for seeing purpose in nature and living inside of nature <- is what he said. Such a clever chap. but its more than that, its walking away from the complications and simplifying your life. My moving to CapeTown in a month: Its my own return to nature, to the soil, because its where we have come from and to where we will return. CT is my river that I am following, as I try to untangle the roots of my life...

I wanted to count my blessings. Because over the last couple of months, I have had it pretty tough. I don't mean, "I am so sad and I am not sure what to do with my life" tough I mean illness, recovery and rehabilitation. Over the last few months everyone in my house has been hospitalised for something or the other. It wasn't until my mom got really ill end of March and just never recovered. and I didn't think much of it, she's getting older and her body more fragile. It wasn't until she couldn't walk or sit or clean herself, that I realised I was in trouble. this didn't happen over night, she just got out of bed, less and less and stopped talking less and less. As a Bipolar sufferer I put it down to a bout of depression that she couldn't shake. because of her loss of mobility, I have been walking her to and from the bathroom and eventually bedpan every 3 hours. My job was the night shift, because my brother was with her all day. Between ...

On the 18th of September just after one I got the call. THAT call to say Cancer claimed my friend. I rushed to Donald Gordon and held my other sisters as we wept for her. Why we wept I am not sure, the fact that a heart attack claimed her, that it was too soon, that she was no longer in pain? Maybe for them all. I thought about her beautiful kids she left behind and the enormous responsibility for us to love them, to remind them and to protect them. I was sad that she would never see Cape Town again, the one place we both wanted to move to. But thats where her ashes will be scattered. But I didn't write this post to mourn her, instead I want to tell you about the woman she was, and her lessons she taught me. Grace - no matter the hate, the anger  or the hurdles. She taught me to carry myself with grace, not because of how other people are. Because it was how I should carry myself. Zen -   She taught me about not sweating the small stuff and how to be at Peace...

Nafisa and I both did July lists and she beat me to the punch for August. 1.  After 6 months of renovation both inside and outside.  My favourite room in the house has to be the lounge/dining room purely for the colour choice Its Plascon cool spring  and the pictures by Jeanette 2.  Another wonderful addition to my "artwork collection" from the easel of   Shameema . I love the colours and she doesn't . (Terrible picture, I apologise it doesn't do the colours justice) 3. Finally a plus size section worth noting!! Yes there aren't many items, but a big jump from the old, "ouma" clothing available most places. You have no idea how long I have agonised this point. Mr Price Online  not only did it make shopping for my Eid clothes stress free. The Easy user interface and speedy delivery will make me come back. These are 2 of the 5 items I bought online. And they fit PERFECTLY 4. Ramadaan Photo a day Although you can b...

I was so excited that Sham was finally coming to Joburg and thought the best way to tell the story was the way I remembered it, through the food we planned to eat, did eat and wanted to eat but were too full! Before you go any further, if you don't know who Sham is, you can fuck right off at this point. Because you should have clicked at the link above, saw her stuff and then kick yerself for not meeting her. and then proceed to read the rest of this blog in emerald shade of jealous green. T-3 days till #shaminjhb happened, I offered my services for the day to show them around. We knew it was a limited time frame because of the time they were coming in and also a braai that night, had to be prepped for. So we spoke about food, because well, food moves me. Decided we have to get samoosas for our walk about in the CBD, yes nay-saying joburgers the actual CBD. But first the samoosa's, "World of Samoosas " in the plaza was the only place one should ever buy samoo...