Simply Aasia

In a conversation with fellow blogger Ridi  we were talking about old fashioned values and what we're afraid of. Fear: People are not necessarily racist but we're all arseholes, trying to differentiate ourselves from each other. even if that means condescending. We're lonely, even when we have lovers,spouses and friends. Kindness:  we don't practice this often enough, with ourselves or with others, the constant voice in our head berating our efforts is louder than the compassionate response of " I tried so hard" Following the river:  it is a metaphor for seeing purpose in nature and living inside of nature <- is what he said. Such a clever chap. but its more than that, its walking away from the complications and simplifying your life. My moving to CapeTown in a month: Its my own return to nature, to the soil, because its where we have come from and to where we will return. CT is my river that I am following, as I try to untangle the roots of my life...

to talk about things, that don't always make sense. So wishful thinking and romanticising the past.  To remembering the way my life was and where it is  and the track im on right now. Can I have a minute to catch my breath and hold my finger up One damn minute to think for myself without judgement and drummed impatient fingers Can I have a minute to talk about what happened to me and to you and to us and instead of unpacking shit and trying to see from your view point that you look at mine Can we please stop for one fucking moment and rememebr that under all of this We are people with feelings, who feel hard-done by, kicked to the curb, left-out, unloved and lonely And lashing it out to those you make yourself vulnerable to only makes it hurt THAT much more So can I ahve one minute to remember the good in people, the world, my family without someone trying to ruin this optimist with realities which have no place in my life. So I will take...

I want to write to express the ticker tape of thoughts running through my head on any given day and even in wakeful moments while sleeping. Between the loneliness of my own company, or the hand wringing and worrying while my mother sit and waits while I queue in queues for her to get her to a doctor, a person who will not see patient number 157 but my mother, the precious women who I raise 4 times to the heavens. When I pray in traffic or sleepless moments, for once, to have my goals reached rather than thwarted. I want to sing and dance for the small gratitudes of a lovely day, sunshine on my back or a breeze in my face. To clap like a seal at my joys. To laugh loudly and from the belly, when I am with friends and bring joy to their conversations. Of whispered prayers of forgiveness because I fall. every.time The wish of care and consideration for my friends and family who are struggling. To say the right words to friends I miss. To missing those I am longer with. To ...

I been fortunate to have been in some awe-inspiring company lately. More than just inspired it has forced me to think about my choices and my future. When I asked one guy, why we feel pressure from our peers to conform or have a certain life, he said "Change your peers" that simple. Winds of change are sweeping once again and hopefully I make better choices this time around. Ye like the new layout?

I know its Ramadaan and everyone will talk about the closeness, the pause the resetting of the soul. I fear this Ramadaan its lost on me. While I am thankful to have made it, I have been tested. And for my moms health alone i should be greatful and fall down on my knees. Which I have done over and over. When I thought she wouldn't make it this time. But without sounding to dramatic - I am bereft of meaning so far this Ramadaan. A mutual friend told me to "Keep on keepin' on" Its easy when your life is cool and you can dictate your work and hours. Trying to find a spiritual centre in the middle of a traffic jams and deadlines. I am out of sync with the dance steps.

I wanted to count my blessings. Because over the last couple of months, I have had it pretty tough. I don't mean, "I am so sad and I am not sure what to do with my life" tough I mean illness, recovery and rehabilitation. Over the last few months everyone in my house has been hospitalised for something or the other. It wasn't until my mom got really ill end of March and just never recovered. and I didn't think much of it, she's getting older and her body more fragile. It wasn't until she couldn't walk or sit or clean herself, that I realised I was in trouble. this didn't happen over night, she just got out of bed, less and less and stopped talking less and less. As a Bipolar sufferer I put it down to a bout of depression that she couldn't shake. because of her loss of mobility, I have been walking her to and from the bathroom and eventually bedpan every 3 hours. My job was the night shift, because my brother was with her all day. Between ...

Welcome to the Dead Fathers club Of little princess who are no longer little And not so "princess after all" Who have to fend for themselves. Here's to the Queen mothers who are both royal and royally fatigued To the vanished prince charming, who never becomes the knight in shining armour To the cinder maid who rises above her station and to the doorman who is overlooked for the swarthy court jester. To the little girls who will never be innocent ever again To the women who have to fight their own battles And the mothers who wish for a kind hearted man to sweep their daughters off their feet Here's to the Briennes of the world, that they may become the Polgara's, and even to the Melissandres and the Cersei's the women who have made the best of their circumstances and have become the products of their lives. May we all one day be the Mulan's and the Merida's - write our own future and find love in our own due course.