Simply Aasia

I know its Ramadaan and everyone will talk about the closeness, the pause the resetting of the soul. I fear this Ramadaan its lost on me. While I am thankful to have made it, I have been tested. And for my moms health alone i should be greatful and fall down on my knees. Which I have done over and over. When I thought she wouldn't make it this time. But without sounding to dramatic - I am bereft of meaning so far this Ramadaan. A mutual friend told me to "Keep on keepin' on" Its easy when your life is cool and you can dictate your work and hours. Trying to find a spiritual centre in the middle of a traffic jams and deadlines. I am out of sync with the dance steps.

I wanted to count my blessings. Because over the last couple of months, I have had it pretty tough. I don't mean, "I am so sad and I am not sure what to do with my life" tough I mean illness, recovery and rehabilitation. Over the last few months everyone in my house has been hospitalised for something or the other. It wasn't until my mom got really ill end of March and just never recovered. and I didn't think much of it, she's getting older and her body more fragile. It wasn't until she couldn't walk or sit or clean herself, that I realised I was in trouble. this didn't happen over night, she just got out of bed, less and less and stopped talking less and less. As a Bipolar sufferer I put it down to a bout of depression that she couldn't shake. because of her loss of mobility, I have been walking her to and from the bathroom and eventually bedpan every 3 hours. My job was the night shift, because my brother was with her all day. Between ...