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Showing posts from February, 2014
Today I got punched in the gut, assaulted even though my eyes were open and I knew where the exits were Today I walked through a plan nursery looking to turn my box living into some kind of living space The moment was perfect, the sun was warm, the nursery quiet except for the dripping of water from the plants and I thought you were there and for a moment I could feel you and then the punch  which took my breathe away - my dad was gone See gardening was our job and choosing plants was mine and he made me make the final choices no matter how illogical stupid or what season it was I couldn't breathe the realness was terrifying and the devastation at my reality broke me , and while I sob as I type I know its right, I have never felt sadder Its been 7 years and while I can fill the void on most days I fell into an emptiness for just a moment I cant even buy flowers without you Daddy

Personal Project 2014: Me

Nothing quite like leaving your support structure in another province to remind you of who you can rely on in times of need. I wanted Cape Town since my brother got married here in 1993 and begged my dad to let me come to school in the Cape. He was furious that I thought I could look after myself even then. Then it hit me, it took me 20 years to ACTUALLY make it happen! Like the ever continuing story of my life, I get what I want with an clause, get diabetes and now go live in the healthiest province in SA.  I digress, I wanted everything to happen now Work, love, me, money and future to all sort of fall in to place and I realised, it wasn't JUST going to happen to me. No one was going to apply a shiny new coat of "life" to me and make it all ok. I had to work and work hard. without my my brothers and cousins in walking distance. I had to become self reliant in new ways and had to learn to do stuff on my ace. and I lamented my loneliness to my Cousin H, and she