Saturday, September 6, 2014

Home is where the heart (finds) ease

my mission has always been to be happy with my lot in life. push the status quo, but be happy at every step, happy at any weight, happy in any place.

I don't have the same type of optimism I had when I was younger, but I still believe in life's ability to surprise. There is just so much joy to be found, if only we stopped staring at the dark patch on the wall.

I am both happier and sadder than I have ever been. Renewing ties with people I thought I would lose forever and solidifying those I have. More at peace at the person I am, who still stops to check these days if she is crossing lines or overstepping. heartbreak and fear and being told that over and over, makes it hard to canon ball with enthusiasm but I hope I am still that.

Last night I was happier than I have been in a long while, and while sadness  (like a cloud, sometimes light and too far to cast a shadow, other times like a full on Jo'burg thunderstorm, your like a cape town winter, silently threatening and darkening) wafts over these happy moments, and threatens what good will I have. I remind myself to step back, be kind and be grateful; at times the sheer size if my loss seems so vast, that I lose myself in a certain melancholy.

I suffer dreams and nightmares, both leave me wistful, and wishful for one more moment with my parents, or another hug from my family or just a simple nod and smile from someone who knows what I have been through to acknowledge the road I have walked.

the range of emotions I experience these days are breath taking and scarier than I am used to. But I try to embrace the storm and wait for my mind to find its quietude again.

I am a volatile, passionate woman, who will always wear her heart on her sleeve and I am thankful for the blessing that is my path. sometimes just sometimes, I wish I knew less.

For today, I long for my old definition of home.

Taken from my home in Eldos on Eid 2012

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

my my how you've grown

I never did mind growing up, I loved the idea of taking care of my self and being self sufficient.
But I have travelled quite a colourful road. and have not emerged unscathed

Not in the sense of im hurt and beat down, but that I am more aware of my life and my choices than I have ever been before. I am a woman of many contradictions and needs and wants and don't suffer fools any more.

while I have a good idea of who I am and where I am going, there isn't an actual destination. The idea to to have something to work towards and being better. and search for love is always there.

but I am not who I was 6 months ago, hell, Im not the same person I was 2 days ago. And Im ok.
Standing still is for statues. And where is the adventure in that!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

My health fight

So we enter the second month of  #wia100healthydays and while the first month was a bust in terms of eating clean. I did try my best to keep my eating "sort-of" healthy

During Ramadaan and post that, I had to pack up my moms house, and the only thing that kept me from eating through my feelings was the fact that the house was a buidling site and everything was covered in dust. Which made it unappetising to even your biggest emotional eaters


While I didn't lose much, (2 kgs) I gave myself a high 5 for not weighing the same as my fridge. I did get a shit load of strength training, by sanding and plastering walls, painting etc.

But to get back into the swing of things, I signed up for the 360 30 Day Summer Body Program which was offered at just R99 for the month. This is in conjunction with my walks and Sunday stair climibing at Rhodes Memorial 

I want to win the challenge, purely because right about now, I could do with a win!




Also on Tuesday 19th August we're having our first Well I chat on the Facebook page
Be there!