Hijab - my weakness

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So since 2016, I've been mostly in Hijab and its tough.
I know why I started wearing it, and it was to be a daily reminder to find better ways of being.

Friends and Family, don't always understand. I'm "less progressive now" what they don't know is I will still call you a p03$ in a headscarf. but the point is that I WANT to be better, be more God-conscious.

Heres the rub though. Sometimes I get sick and tired of trying to be a better person. It's too damn hard and especially since acceptance came easier outside of wearing hijab.  going out, showing my hair and wearing what I please. regardless of modesty. I miss not giving a fuck!

Then I try to do not give a fuck and then I feel miserable. because my stupid ass knows better.

I hate it sometimes because this means something different to others than it does to me.
but these hijabi barbies will still fucking judge me for not wearing it the "right way" or the "IN the way" and for others, I'm too religious, I'm too conservative in my draping style.

Wearing hijab is tough on me, on my personality, and that's why I fight my nafs, because I know I have a bigger purpose outside of how I look. So stop judging others, that's why we see others with a double life.


Be unapologetically you. If you see me wearing hijab - don't comment and if you see me without- don't comment.





Comments

Zainab Majothi said…
Bravo. I couldn't agree more. Big ups for trying it is challenging and finding the the strength within to do it all over again tomorrow is difficult but you do it and that on its own is an achievement.
June 19, 2019 at 2:11 PM
Unknown said…
Yep * most of the above * . And then you leave home dressed like Mother Theresa's more modest sister and you're in Typo where Salt n Pepa's What A Man is playing and you know alllll the words
June 19, 2019 at 4:39 PM
Aasia said…
Haha and Tupac.
June 19, 2019 at 6:20 PM
Dreamlife said…
He was a bit deeper than Salt n Pepa, though 😏.

Seriously though, as long as you're trying, you're winning. And it's hard to ignore others, but i suppose it's part of the test to make you stronger. Think of Maryam a.s. coming back with a baby, and how strong she had to be - and how much honour we regard her with.

Draw strength from your relationship with the Almighty, because that's the most important thing that you'll ever have, and it'll pull you through insha-Allah.

Much respect.
June 20, 2019 at 6:01 AM
Dave said…
I have such massive respect for your journey, always seeking a better, more serene life, despite the obstacles and challenges that are sent your way. I ask myself if these challenges are there to strengthen and test your resolve, I have to believe that for the greater good, that is what they are - and your striving to meet those challenges while being unapologetically you is inspiring.
June 20, 2019 at 6:53 AM
Nielfa Hanifa said…
The biggest take away on challenges like these, is that no one knows, no one will ever know, what they think they know is not about you but all about them and ultimately, Allah knows and that's the only 'knowing' that matters.

May Allah keep you in his guidance and motivated in seeking His pleasure, In Sha Allah. Love you!
June 20, 2019 at 4:02 PM
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