Simply Aasia

Two years ago today, I instagram'd the moment I walked into my first retrenchment (I didn't know at the time) Last year today after being told I did an amazing job, I was asked to leave for not being a cultural fit. Hijab wearing muslim working for company who predominantly sold hard liquor, yeah I figured But I took the job because I had no other means of income. Its not lost on me, but I can't tell you what retrenchments does to your psyche, your confidence, your ability to say with certainty. I KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB Between friends who gave generously of their time: my lawyer friend who helped me negotiate a package,  my social media friend who gave me some part time work to tide me over, to  the friend who gave me a home so I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent.  To the friend and her family who opened their home and fed me  all of you who helped me and helped me maintain a semblance of dignity. for those friends who made me cry and reminded m...

Last week, the ghadat opened a memory box that I had almost forgotten. While its made me pretty sad, I can't help and marvel at how far I have come. The memory box was a little sketchy, in that it plays bits and pieces that overlap and blur and still cut like knives. So poor. When I tell people that I grew up poor and still have that mentality, I don't think they understood. Not that I ever explained it. But after my dad has his toe amputated for gangrene. we didn't have much money. I remember exchanging cool drink bottles for cash for veggies to cook. So poor, that when I was in agony because of teeth issues, the thing I remember was it was cheaper to extract than fix (fix meant multiple visits - that we couldn't afford.) So poor that I cleaned my cousins house for money (she was a year younger than me) look at me, Ms Digital Marketer with her own car, and poor person metality and look at how far you've come. I never want to forget again. I remain...

I've always been the good girl, the well behaved -its-the-right-thing-to-do girl. And somewhere along the lines, I got tired of it. I have lived my life out of fear. Fear that I wouldn't be enough, that I'd be too much, that I wouldn't crack it. My fear has taken many forms, people pleaseing, the mediator, the fence sitter and ofcourse the constant need for external validation. Now I sit here and I have taken my first "no take backs" adult steps.  And the world didn't crumble. While I am still fighting the internal fight with my old self. I have to constantly remind myself to be brave and bold because I am looking for a different outcome. So go on, be brave and do something that scares the shit out of you

I have struggled over the last few months, to find something positive to write to about. I have been uninspired and couldn't be arsed about anything. I wanted to write but genuinely didn't want to put any more negative thoughts into the world and really well I needed a boost of some sort, Anyone who knew me as a kid, knew I couldn't stand still. I needed to move and dance and I genuinely communicated through interpretive dance. It drove my mom crazy I don't know if I lost that creative spark, or if by becoming more serious, but those random bursts of movement became less and less over the last 15 years (sad hey?) I then saw this article on a friends FB wall and I thought, maybe if I started dancing again, I would have the energy to return to gym and refocus my health efforts. It did so much more. From the time I stepped back into the Salsa class (which while it was recommended I buy dancing shoes, I was like err yeah lets see how the first month goes) ha! a...

I sought out to forget 2014 in its entirety. but inspite of the epic heartbreak I suffered. I learned so much My biggest lesson though, is no matter how well you think you plan. Allah is the ultimate planner I have no regrets, everything I have done has been my best attempt, and for the most part, thats all we can manage.  This isnt the end of my journey, just some exceptionally windy bits. People: 1. You can love someone so much and do nothing as they slip away,  I wish my mom was still here, but God called her, and I don't question it. But I miss her 2. Everyones journey is their own, no matter what your intention, some people have to find their way on their own 3. Loving someone isn't always enough. Hearts: 1. heartbreak is soul destroying 2.Recovery is possible 3. Embrace your vulnerablity Friends: 1. Forgiveness is easier when you love someone 2. Friends have big hearts, I couldn't have managed this last 7 months without them Family: I have a...

my mission has always been to be happy with my lot in life. push the status quo, but be happy at every step, happy at any weight, happy in any place. I don't have the same type of optimism I had when I was younger, but I still believe in life's ability to surprise. There is just so much joy to be found, if only we stopped staring at the dark patch on the wall. I am both happier and sadder than I have ever been. Renewing ties with people I thought I would lose forever and solidifying those I have. More at peace at the person I am, who still stops to check these days if she is crossing lines or overstepping. heartbreak and fear and being told that over and over, makes it hard to canon ball with enthusiasm but I hope I am still that. Last night I was happier than I have been in a long while, and while sadness  (like a cloud, sometimes light and too far to cast a shadow, other times like a full on Jo'burg thunderstorm, your like a cape town winter, silently threaten...

No matter how they try to make you feel otherwise. Your cracks are what make you beautiful. Your journeys,your stories, your joy and your pain Its how you fill the cracks that are most interesting Sometimes we forget that unscathed is overrated. Love yourself enough to know that you're pretty damn spectacular.

I feel pretty 10kgs in 3 months October 2013 January 2014

I nearly crapped myself yesterday, while the year has just started. I freaked out about what I would have to do this year. and was so overwhelmed by the decisions and big things I would have to do I cried while walking and i cried while swimming and I cried while doing downward dog, I was too afraid to leave the gym out of a fear that I would just cry if another human approached me... it was a weird 3 hours at the gym Success is the ability to move from one failure to the next with enthusiasm. - Winston Churchhill I want so much more from this year, as the last 2 years is littered with more failures than great stories, and I just realised if I wanted life to give me a break, I'm going to have to punch it in the nuts and make it give me the break. I I have to make my own breaks and I am going to have to work fucking hard to get to where I want to be. So while i spend the next year getting an identity for myself, and an opinion of my own. I want to remember and pra...

In a conversation with fellow blogger Ridi  we were talking about old fashioned values and what we're afraid of. Fear: People are not necessarily racist but we're all arseholes, trying to differentiate ourselves from each other. even if that means condescending. We're lonely, even when we have lovers,spouses and friends. Kindness:  we don't practice this often enough, with ourselves or with others, the constant voice in our head berating our efforts is louder than the compassionate response of " I tried so hard" Following the river:  it is a metaphor for seeing purpose in nature and living inside of nature <- is what he said. Such a clever chap. but its more than that, its walking away from the complications and simplifying your life. My moving to CapeTown in a month: Its my own return to nature, to the soil, because its where we have come from and to where we will return. CT is my river that I am following, as I try to untangle the roots of my life...

I been fortunate to have been in some awe-inspiring company lately. More than just inspired it has forced me to think about my choices and my future. When I asked one guy, why we feel pressure from our peers to conform or have a certain life, he said "Change your peers" that simple. Winds of change are sweeping once again and hopefully I make better choices this time around. Ye like the new layout?

In the absolute quiet that surrounds me my grief crippling me Speaking to God in urgent whispers and panicked breathing Pleading for a sign For a moment when it wouldn't hurt and then you called. The realisation that when talking to God he listened.

Whats the flavour of the month? What cause has everyone triled about. There are more people being oppressed than ever before. And not just based on religion or culture One of the blogs I follow a little miss Ragen Chastain  speaks about Anti-Obesity being the new homophobia. And it got me thinking How easy it is for people to actually make fun of fat people. Take away bigger issues of the world and focus for once on individuals. I dont mean become selfish - but you know what I feel oppressed most days I am fat, I am a pavement special, no pure bred here. I come from a disadvantaged background all thats missing is my homosexual orientation. I know Ricky Gervai s makes mention that comparing some ones weight issues to a sexual orientation is like a gay man being weaned onto c**k. But its not about that, its the attitude others have that its OK toColour Bash, Culture Bash, Gay Bash or Fat Bash or Jewish Bash for that matter. To think you can make fun of other people.  Wh...

Nafisa and I both did July lists and she beat me to the punch for August. 1.  After 6 months of renovation both inside and outside.  My favourite room in the house has to be the lounge/dining room purely for the colour choice Its Plascon cool spring  and the pictures by Jeanette 2.  Another wonderful addition to my "artwork collection" from the easel of   Shameema . I love the colours and she doesn't . (Terrible picture, I apologise it doesn't do the colours justice) 3. Finally a plus size section worth noting!! Yes there aren't many items, but a big jump from the old, "ouma" clothing available most places. You have no idea how long I have agonised this point. Mr Price Online  not only did it make shopping for my Eid clothes stress free. The Easy user interface and speedy delivery will make me come back. These are 2 of the 5 items I bought online. And they fit PERFECTLY 4. Ramadaan Photo a day Although you can b...

And the rest of us sizeable creatures are anomalies. I am I had some pics taken yesterday with my friends and noticed that not only am I larger but the size difference is really big! I am not at a point where I can write unemotionally or unbiased about my looks and weight. But although there is still much venom, disdain and venom reflected at my image from me. I can't help but note that my friends love me enough to support me as is, and not a perception of what others want to see. More importantly I have fun with them and they dona't judge me. Thanks to Jenty  for the pics. Thanks to Bumpy for the tutu's! They are amazing To Kellen , Zahira , Denielle , Nafisa and Red John  So happy 30th old hag! you look utterly ridiculous  and totally happy! Guess which one I am? [yes, the bitch ruling the roost!]