Skip to main content

in my mind

I nearly crapped myself yesterday, while the year has just started. I freaked out about what I would have to do this year. and was so overwhelmed by the decisions and big things I would have to do
I cried while walking and i cried while swimming and I cried while doing downward dog, I was too afraid to leave the gym out of a fear that I would just cry if another human approached was a weird 3 hours at the gym

Success is the ability to move from one failure to the next with enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchhill

I want so much more from this year, as the last 2 years is littered with more failures than great stories, and I just realised if I wanted life to give me a break, I'm going to have to punch it in the nuts and make it give me the break. I I have to make my own breaks and I am going to have to work fucking hard to get to where I want to be.

So while i spend the next year getting an identity for myself, and an opinion of my own. I want to remember and practice some basic characteristics I believe I always had, that got  lost in my tenebrous state of 2013.

I want to live a fulfilled life with people, experiences and love & gratitude and thats what I plan to focus on.
Enriching my  life and the people around me. Loving and supporting my friends and family and being at one with the universe (prayer, yoga, nature) <- those things

I am scared at what i have to do, but I am going to make a difference. 
And if you're not cheering me off, get the fuck out of my way or go nag someone else.

because I am choosing to live with purpose.



If I were more new-agey, I'd say we're entering a cycle of awakening. I see great things ahead for you, I see great things ahead for myself. Super-sized with awesome sauce.
Aasia said…
It does feel like that though, there's an awareness that has opened my heart and mind

Popular posts from this blog

What the F**k just happened?

I'm actually so hesitant to post this because I know some people will want more than I am prepared to give, say or do.

But I can't be silent not so much about whats happened, but what I discovered about myself in the process.

The thing that happened:
I usually offer my services in digital marketing for free for fundraisers and people who do community work. So when a local religious (sheigh) leader asked to meet me to discuss a project. I thought nothing of it. I've met with plenty of them to know how to conduct myself.

Side Note: as someone who has recently embraced Hijab, I understand there is additional scrutiny on how I conduct myself in muslim restaurants, especially with local scholars/leaders

Flag 1: said sheigh pitched up in casual clothes and I could smell the cologne on him and could see he had recently shaved and groomed. This made me nervous because the first thing he remarked on was how pretty I was.

Flag 2: he kept asking me, how long I was prepared to stay there …

The last 2 years

Two years ago today, I instagram'd the moment I walked into my first retrenchment (I didn't know at the time)

Last year today after being told I did an amazing job, I was asked to leave for not being a cultural fit.
Hijab wearing muslim working for company who predominantly sold hard liquor, yeah I figured
But I took the job because I had no other means of income.

Its not lost on me, but I can't tell you what retrenchments does to your psyche, your confidence, your ability to say with certainty. I KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB

Between friends who gave generously of their time:

my lawyer friend who helped me negotiate a package, my social media friend who gave me some part time work to tide me over, to the friend who gave me a home so I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent. To the friend and her family who opened their home and fed me all of you who helped me and helped me maintain a semblance of dignity. for those friends who made me cry and reminded me that I have a tribe …


The beautiful scary thing is hidden away. Its sheer power to change who I am frightens me and gives me bravado to be myself, unapologetically.

Every time I want to take this beautiful scary thing out and show it to the world, I know the world and I are just not ready.

So back into the deep dark recess I keep you there, the beautiful scary thing, where I will visit you often and shine a bright light on you and love you and nurture you.

That's when I realise, its not my job to present the beautiful scary thing to the world. That is for itself to decide. So I sit here waiting in anticipation for that day to come and I can announce to the world.

I have loved you, beautiful scary thing, from the day I met you.