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Today I got punched in the gut,
assaulted even though my eyes were open
and I knew where the exits were

Today I walked through a plan nursery
looking to turn my box living into some kind of living space

The moment was perfect, the sun was warm,
the nursery quiet except for the dripping of water from the plants

and I thought you were there and for a moment I could feel you
and then the punch  which took my breathe away - my dad was gone

See gardening was our job and choosing plants was mine
and he made me make the final choices no matter how illogical
stupid or what season it was

I couldn't breathe the realness was terrifying and the devastation at my reality broke me
, and while I sob as I type
I know its right, I have never felt sadder

Its been 7 years and while I can fill the void on most days
I fell into an emptiness for just a moment

I cant even buy flowers without you

Daddy

Comments

Azra said…
They say that it never gets easier... you just learn to deal. Wishing you strength friend.
Keep on keeping you spectacular girl you. Your dad will always be with you.

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