Wednesday, November 28, 2012

can you count?

I have awesome friends who say things like suck it up

every single thing the worlds throws at you

pick it up

Your self respect and belief

Show up

even when you don't want to or have crappy tickets

Lighten up

when your troubles are held up by them

Unchain you

who slap your wrist when you're making a stupid anything

Force you

to see yourself and stand up

Blessed

for friends who turn up

the 25 year old Shaman

the 29 year old medicine women

the 30 year old philosopher

the 40 year old realist

the single digit little ones

and the blood related ones.




Thursday, November 15, 2012

New years and the bombs

you reduce my life to a #hashtag on a social site
you bring a cannon to a gun fight

I will not hate you, someone has to break the cycle of violence.

For all the kids in Palestine and Israel, I will pray for your safety this day.
I will pray for your understanding and for your tolerance.

Hate begets hate. I will not hate

Happy 1434
#endtheviolence

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I can cry

Tight chested and feeling like I am about to throw up breakfast
I sit waiting to see her, you see I had been avoiding her for about 3 weeks
because the questions were getting tough.

"I think something is wrong" I say to her "I feel kak. Not ill or sad, just kak"
"When was the last time you cried Aasia?"
"Last week in the car on the N1"

Well you obviously hate traffic then.
*side eyes*

So much has happened this year and as I slowly wrap my head around the drama,
death and deceit. I find myself wondering what I thought I was going to achieve.

"You act like you can't get hurt Aasia"
Yes I get hurt. All.the.time.
Except I am a cry in the shower and breathe slowly in a dark room kind of person.

Because I rationalise. if I fall apart, who will pick up my pieces?
"But you're lying to yourself again Aasia, you're not going to fall apart.
You just dont want people to believe that you hurt now, and that its sore and that its not getting better fast. And you dont want to be fragile"

No shit, Fragility is not something I want associated with me, I am the Bull in the china shop. Not the china itself.

I miss her and I am pissed at her. I am angry at them and I want nothing more than a really big hug.

I want my own him.

But for now I can cry

Monday, November 5, 2012

African Justice for an African Nation

Zuma's "african way" remarks sparks concern.

This story about Prez Zuma
"The Centre for Constitutional Rights expressed concern over President Jacob Zuma's reported comments that the justice system was "the white man's way" for solving "African problems".

I might not be the man's greatest fan at the best of times, but I think Prez Zuma has a point.
If we as a people conduct ourselves using tradition and our culture as the reference to how we live, why on earth would any justice system work for us?

Many might disagree with it, hoever we only have to look at honour killings and child marriages in Islam (Here I am talking about the UK)
Entire communities hush up when police officers enter the area with whispers of abuse happen. But no one will out the abuser at all.

I see it in the coloured communities as well, although I still call the police when I witness doemstic abuse, battered wives wont file charges. Under-age drinking, is seen as "ag hy is net stout"
Loads of drivers as buy their drivers licence. 

We might not like the fact that Pres. Zuma has a point, but we ahve to accept that we live the reality.
People's blatant disregard for the law is shown in our Crime Stats. If people dont believe the justice system works for them, they will do nothing to uphold the law.

Active citizenry might not always be the case, but most people I know try to be better citizens.
But if you are too high up in the middle class and lose sight and understanding fo the working class. That puts you in a small minority. 

Dont tell me about faster internet. and the right to information, when in fact I would like to see better education and sex education. Empowerment for women as well.

Point is, its obviously not working, so why are we fighting to keep it?

Thursday, November 1, 2012

you know!?

Stolen from a friends blog, they know who they are, but summed up 2012 for me:
The last few days have, for reasons unknown, brought to light issues of friendship, loyalty, and trust. What IS friendship? To you? There are people I’ve known for years who are less friend to me than people I’ve known for mere months. How odd is that? There are friends who I have known for years, who I realise now, are not *true* friends. According to my personal definition of *true*. All of this has also highlighted how lucky I am to actually have people I consider sincere friends.
Then there’s this issue of Trust. You never really realise how much it means til there’s a shortage of it. And I don’t even mean the kind of trust that involves spades, skellingtons and blood oaths of silence. The simple trust of day to day relationships is what I mean.
I’ve seen trust erode this year, like never before. And it pains me. And makes me feel like a paranoid git. And it wears me down. For better or worse, I prefer to live this life with my heart on my sleeve, even when walking through fields of cactuseses. Even when hiking in acid rain and desert storms. Foolish much? Of course it is.
See, I’ve been hardened by the jobs I’ve had. The working world grates away at your naivety and idealism, and by wearing my heart the way I do, it’s my silly way of rebelling.
I don’t always get it right. Sometimes the heart crawls right up the sleeve, takes a turn south, and ends up in my sneakers and hides there a tremblin… but this year has been so wearsome, that the only place to show myself, is the outside. Foolish or not, that is how I’m trying to roll.

More than that though, I have had a serious run of bad luck, but I wont wallow in it either.
Also I can be a crap friend, this much I know, but I am actively working on it with people who genuinely give a shit, not a once a month catch up, but the real kind, when shit goes down, they call you, they say silly things and you laugh.
We all have coping mechanisms and mine is retreat and surrender. They know this, and they coax me out of my sad spots,

Anyway, after Monday nights break in, and surviving on a couple hours of sleep. I am tired of having to explain myself. So either be the friend or theres the door.

Sidenote: I cried in the car this morning, between Beyers Naude and Malibongwe, while disturbia by Rihanna was playing on radio. Which made me realise, I need more sleep.

A