Skip to main content

Can I have a minute

to talk about things, that don't always make sense.
So wishful thinking and romanticising the past. 

To remembering the way my life was and where it is 
and the track im on right now.

Can I have a minute to catch my breath and hold my finger up
One damn minute to think for myself without judgement and drummed impatient fingers

Can I have a minute to talk about what happened to me and to you and to us
and instead of unpacking shit and trying to see from your view point that you look at mine

Can we please stop for one fucking moment and rememebr that under all of this
We are people with feelings, who feel hard-done by, kicked to the curb, left-out, unloved and lonely

And lashing it out to those you make yourself vulnerable to only makes it hurt THAT much more

So can I ahve one minute to remember the good in people, the world, my family
without someone trying to ruin this optimist with realities which have no place in my life.

So I will take that minute and walk away because I am worth more than what you're prepared to give me.

Comments

sham said…
Test comment!
Azra said…
Here, you can have a moment, on me. Actually, why not have two before you eff off and leave me stranded here. (Oh sorry, I'm making this all about me ne). *sigh*
Aasia said…
aww Azra, I MUST see you before I leave :) And you're welcome to make it about you anyday *hugs*

Popular posts from this blog

What the F**k just happened?

I'm actually so hesitant to post this because I know some people will want more than I am prepared to give, say or do.

But I can't be silent not so much about whats happened, but what I discovered about myself in the process.

The thing that happened:
I usually offer my services in digital marketing for free for fundraisers and people who do community work. So when a local religious (sheigh) leader asked to meet me to discuss a project. I thought nothing of it. I've met with plenty of them to know how to conduct myself.

Side Note: as someone who has recently embraced Hijab, I understand there is additional scrutiny on how I conduct myself in muslim restaurants, especially with local scholars/leaders

Flag 1: said sheigh pitched up in casual clothes and I could smell the cologne on him and could see he had recently shaved and groomed. This made me nervous because the first thing he remarked on was how pretty I was.

Flag 2: he kept asking me, how long I was prepared to stay there …

The last 2 years

Two years ago today, I instagram'd the moment I walked into my first retrenchment (I didn't know at the time)

Last year today after being told I did an amazing job, I was asked to leave for not being a cultural fit.
Hijab wearing muslim working for company who predominantly sold hard liquor, yeah I figured
But I took the job because I had no other means of income.

Its not lost on me, but I can't tell you what retrenchments does to your psyche, your confidence, your ability to say with certainty. I KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB

Between friends who gave generously of their time:

my lawyer friend who helped me negotiate a package, my social media friend who gave me some part time work to tide me over, to the friend who gave me a home so I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent. To the friend and her family who opened their home and fed me all of you who helped me and helped me maintain a semblance of dignity. for those friends who made me cry and reminded me that I have a tribe …

Adversity and Adversary

No matter how much I overcome,
or how much I endure

There always seems to be more venom
than there is a cure

I can't keep at it, this continuous struggle that's not real, but my reality
No matter how many of my demons I slay,
I have to fight and fight
new foes, new days.

Ya Allah, why is the first thing that leaves me, is my faith?
Why is that the hard part.

People who usually talk about Tawakkul, don't know anything about
the trouble and struggle of what it is.

What world is it, that we will live in, that allows people to play with others fate
Who don't have the emotional maturity to look for context.
To hate me because Im a misfit.(misfit is the excuse)
Maybe because Im not thin. or don't belong to the same clubs
Or maybe you just don't like a large brown woman telling you what to do.

Maybe you're the douche bag, but now it's me who must fight,
I don't WANT to, but I will HAVE to