I cant explain where my head is at right now, or where its been. My grief at times has seemed insurmountable, and my joys short lived. But yet here I am, carrying on.
I am in a state of change and not sure what's going to happen next. Its as if I've been on the merry-go-round and its spinning and the revolutions are slowing down enough that I can finally see a chance to step off. Which means I'm trying to control the crazy but doesn't mean I know what it is that I'm doing.
I took sometime off to sort out my old home life and while we got the house ready for tenants, I did have a few emotional moments. We basically neutralised my old home and well its just a house now.
I got back to CT yesterday and while this does seem to be my refuge right now. I am unsure of what the next year brings, my last few years have been about loss in many forms, friends, loved ones, ideas and trusts and hopefully it is all worth something in the end.
Right now, I just want to create a predictable home life and routine. I need predictable right now. And I also need to start vocalising things I need.
So here's to August, may it be the end of winter for me. and onward to Spring, Rebirth and Renewal