I'm actually so hesitant to post this because I know some people will want more than I am prepared to give, say or do.
But I can't be silent not so much about whats happened, but what I discovered about myself in the process.
The thing that happened:
I usually offer my services in digital marketing for free for fundraisers and people who do community work. So when a local religious (sheigh) leader asked to meet me to discuss a project. I thought nothing of it. I've met with plenty of them to know how to conduct myself. Side Note: as someone who has recently embraced Hijab, I understand there is additional scrutiny on how I conduct myself in muslim restaurants, especially with local scholars/leaders
Flag 1: said sheigh pitched up in casual clothes and I could smell the cologne on him and could see he had recently shaved and groomed. This made me nervous because the first thing he remarked on was how pretty I was.
Flag 2: he kept asking me, how long I was prepared to stay there …
No matter how much I overcome,
or how much I endure
There always seems to be more venom
than there is a cure
I can't keep at it, this continuous struggle that's not real, but my reality
No matter how many of my demons I slay,
I have to fight and fight
new foes, new days.
Ya Allah, why is the first thing that leaves me, is my faith?
Why is that the hard part.
People who usually talk about Tawakkul, don't know anything about
the trouble and struggle of what it is.
What world is it, that we will live in, that allows people to play with others fate
Who don't have the emotional maturity to look for context.
To hate me because Im a misfit.(misfit is the excuse)
Maybe because Im not thin. or don't belong to the same clubs
Or maybe you just don't like a large brown woman telling you what to do.
Maybe you're the douche bag, but now it's me who must fight,
I don't WANT to, but I will HAVE to